I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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