I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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