I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
