he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
