the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
id be glad to
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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