Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
