My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
