I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
