I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
