Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
