Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
