You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
