Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
