i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
