I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
