he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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