i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
