he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
