first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
