you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize