so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
