I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
