just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
