Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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