Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize