I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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