I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
