hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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