The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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