I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize