I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
