Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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