It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
