remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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