youre lurking in front of me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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