My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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