Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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