I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
