Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
