I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
