wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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