Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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