hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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