i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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