How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
