That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
