I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
