please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize