I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
