I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
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Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
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