if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
