that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my being single is dangerous.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
