I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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