I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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