dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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