i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
