im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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