My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
