Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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