She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
