Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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