smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
