The maid of honor just puked.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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