you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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