well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
