Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
