Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
